The Earl, The Butler and No-Good Humans
by minminmint
Summary: [Oneshot] Being an Earl of Phantomhive is really a hard and risky work for Ciel. After being chased by his enemies, he stranded on some place he doesn't know. Look at the welcome sign and "Kabukichō" is written on it! An Earl, in a red-district area, with people as genius as monkey.


**Hoy everyone! I'm baaaaaack~! _**

**This is just a oneshot. Nani? Be my eternal sadist? Ahh I don't know about it.. A girl never looks back to the past~ **

**Just kidding xDDD I'll write it again, besides it'll be the last chapter :D**

**However, enjoy this for now! **

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><p><em>"Geeez those rats really know no limit, right? Can they even feel tired? Give me a break.."<em>

_"Waiit..where is this? Where am I now? What should I do? AAAAAAAAAAAAA SEBASTIAN!"_

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><p>Kabuki district, a place where there was no shame shown on daily life. People who lived outside this area always tried their best not to come there. Only low-class humans lived on Kabuki district and proudly called it "my home". As far as we could see, we'd only find crappy houses, love hotels, small bars, and people wearing kimonos as great as homeless'.<p>

But that morning is a bit different. An abnormal sight, even for that abnormal place. A boy, little cute boy, wearing suit like the thing only English noblemen wore. And it was kind of outdated too. That poor little guy couldn't hide the anxiety his face.

"Where am I? Seriously, I was in Germany, chased by those bastards and I ended up here? What the hell is this place? Wait..those people.. is it kimono? I'M IN JAPAN?!"

"Hoy brat! Why are you screaming? Have you lost your mind? Someone stole your brain?"

"Huuh?" That boy turned his head and looked at the person who just talked to him.

A girl, as young as him and same height too. Wearing something like Chinese outfit with buns on both sides of her head. The girl's skin looked so pale, really pale that he thought she wasn't an earthling. Carrying umbrella on a hot day..well it was pretty reasonable for our little guy here.

"Who are you?" took some minutes for that boy to finally open up his mouth.

"I'm Kagura. Who are ya? You don't look like a folk from here"

"My name is Ciel. Ciel Phantomhive."

Kagura looked at Ciel from head to toe, just like what the person from model agency would do when they saw an unadorned beautiful girl from the countryside. The china girl took something out of her pocket and put it in her cute mouth.

"Sukonbu, you want? It's tasty!" She offered a pack to Ciel. Without being able to say anything after he saw the appearance of sukonbu, Ciel politely refused by waving his hand and smiled a bit.

"Where am I actually?" Ciel asked Kagura and looked around him.

"Kabuki district. Why? Are you getting lost? Want a help?" Ciel nodded, "Well, I can help you since I'm the Queen of Kabuki district. Let's go! I'll introduce you to someone. He may be useless but he knows this place better than anyone else since he always spends his days roaming around to play balls."

Without thinking twice, Ciel walked by Kagura's side. He really wanted to meet the guy Kagura talked about and asked him to show a way to get out of here soon. But life is rough, son. And you can't get what you want so easily..

"Young master!"

Ciel turned around and he could see, there was a tall fine man, wearing butler's clothes, running toward him. It looked like he had been looking for Ciel for a long time and got panicked because Ciel was nowhere found.

"Sebastian! Where were you?!" Ciel angrily 'greeted' the black haired guy. Though he felt so angry, somehow he was also feeling a bit relieved since he knew that he wasn't alone. Sebastian would be with him too.

"I thought you were going to leave me alone and break the contract."

"That would be unthinkable, Young Master. I'm your loyal servant and wherever you go, I shall go with y-"

"Eww creepy lines, seriously. Are you guys homo?" Kagura looked at those men with disgust shown clearly on her face.

"NO! OF COURSE NO!" Ciel was pissed off now. "He is my butler. Sebastian, this is Kagura. She wanted to help me to get out of here. And then..uum, she said she was a Queen of Kabuki district."

"Ah, what a fine young girl, Young Master. I'm Sebastian, Miss Kagura.. I have to thank y-"

"GIN-CHAN! HERE HERE!" Kagura waved her hands to someone across the street. She was so excited and in Sebastian's eyes, she looked as happy as a puppy that just met its owner after a month.

"Gin-chan, here… this is Ciel Pinkohive and Sebastian, his butler.."Kagura introduced those fine men to a silver-haired samurai, Sakata Gintoki.

Gintoki couldn't blink. He couldn't say anything or just even move his hands. His mouth was wide open now but he didn't any single thing. He just stared at Ciel and Sebastian. Of course, he couldn't believe who standing in front of him right now.

"Hoy Gin-chan.. are you okay? Did you lose your balls when you were at a bar? Hangover much, Gin-chan? I'm sorry, this kid knows can't be polite at a—"

"THE ONE WHO CAN'T BE POLITE IS YOU, IDIOT!" Gintoki hit Kagura's head really hard. "The one who can't remember people's name shouldn't talk about being polite! His name is Ciel Phantomhive and Sebastian."

"Yeah, that's what I meant, Gin-chan. Ciel Chinkofive" Kagura got a hit on head from Gintoki once again.

"NOT CHINKOFIVE, IDIOT! How stupid are you, Kagura?!"

"I'm sorry.. When I washed my hair this morning, I got water on my ears. Okay, I'll introduce him to you again. Gin-chan, he's Ciel Pantherfiv- " Now Gintoki hit her head once again, and even harder.

"IT'S STILL REALLY WRONG! It's your head which is wrong, not your ears! It's Ciel Phantomhive! PHANTOMHIVE!" Gintoki screamed at Kagura's face but that little girl didn't look care even a bit. Ciel and Sebastian could only watch, trying to hide their embarrassment as people laughed at them while they were passing by.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Gin-chan, he's lost and wants to go home. Can you help him? And by the way, is he rich? He looks like he's really rich.. Just take a look at his but—"

"I'm sorry! I'm terribly sorry!" Gintoki pushed Kagura's head to the ground, "This girl doesn't know much about manner and politeness since she doesn't come from earth. I'm really sorry, Sebastian-san, Ciel-dono."

"Not at all..It's fine, Gintoki-san," the butler answered.

"Just call me Gin-san, Sebastian-san. I've heard your problem and I'd love to help.. But-"

"We will pay you, of course! No matter how much you ask, I'll pay you. But just take us out of here. I can't be here forever, I have a lot of things to do," Ciel replied to him in an angry voice.

Ciel and Sebastian walked in front of Gintoki, who was carrying Kagura after he knocked her out. There were many things he wanted to ask, but seeing Ciel was in bad mood, he kept them all by himself. After some minutes, Kagura was conscious again and jumped to the ground.

"Gin-chan, how could you know his name? It's just too hard to be memorized.."

"He's really famous, you know? He's an Earl in England. EARL! Hyaaa, he must be so rich and can pay us good. Finally, the goddess stands on our side.."Gintoki smiled widely as he kept looking at Ciel and Sebastian's back.

"But what was he doing here? From England to Kabuki district? How come?"

"That's something I want to know.." he stopped walking, "Ciel-dono, Sebastian-san, may I know why did you come here?"

Ciel and Sebastian turned their bodies at the same time. Both looked so confused and didn't know what to say.

"Well.. Young Master has some work in Japan, but we ended up getting lost here and didn't know where to go," said Sebastian while Ciel was still so confused. "Why the hell am I here" was echoing inside Ciel's head.

"Aaah a work and ended up here, in Kabuki. Seems legit. The Earl sure has a lot of work.. Why don't we stop at some bath house?" Kagura grinned and winked to Gintoki. That guy with silver perm laughed and nodded his head.

"Indeed it sounds so fishy. But a man has to take a step of adulthood by himself."

"Ah, so that's why he was alone at the beginning! He came to me without Sebastian, Gin-chan. After a while, Sebastian came to us, looked so worried."

"Oh, so that's the story. Well, Ciel-dono, would you go to Yoshiwara with me? There are many beautiful girls there who can satisfy you, unlike here. You must be thankful since I'll be your guide when you're taking a new step of being an adult. I'd expect no less from an Earl.. You'll pay my drinks too, right?"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Ciel lost his patience and yelled at those idiots, without giving a single fuck to people around them. "You," Ciel pointed his finger at Kagura, "I didn't come to you. And I really don't want to become an adult like you, bastard!" he pointed at Gintoki now.

"Young Master, get a grip. You always told me to act befittingly and accordingly, please show some manner," Sebastian tried to calm his little master down.

"If it's not Gintoki…" A long haired man, wearing cap with a weird creature behind him, approached them.

"Zura.. What are you doing here? Putting bombs around. Can't get laid and play around so you'll just crush whole town? What a joi patriot!"

"It's not Zura. It's Katsura! And I'm just going out with Elizabeth. He needs to gets the sunlight everyday. He's just really cute, just like a baby!"

"Tch, there is no baby who looks that creepy!"

"Ciel, Sebastian, follow me. We have to get outta here, that guy is a pain in the ass.."Kagura pulled Ciel and Sebastian's hands and walked to an alley full of trash cans behind them.

Ciel and Sebastian couldn't refuse and just followed Kagura as she pulled their hands. Her strength is too much, even for a demon like Sebastian. Though they didn't know the reason, they agreed to hide themselves behind a bunch of porn magazines. Kagura kept mumbling something like "Stupid people. It's not even a day for these magazines. Just eat these if you want to remove the evidences, jerks!" and Sebastian with his young master just watched Zura guy and Gintoki when there was someone else coming behind them.

"Hoo.. China girl… What are you doing here? Have you become so poor that you eat trash now?" A man who looked like a police appeared behind Kagura.

"Ah, a sadist! Nope, I just looked for a thing which resembles you. After I found it, I'd hang it on my wall and burn it every night so you'll die soon and go to hell."

"Woaah, you're with 2 guys.. Are you down that road now? Never think there are guys with weird fetish!"

"Shut up, Sadist sucker! Want me to stab your sword to your ass?!"

"Okay, just try it, China. But I'll beat the crap out of you before you can touch my sword. Or do you want to touch my another sword? I'll forgive you then.. You won't have to eat that sukonbu again. I'll give you 3 meals per day."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! Want me to turn you into ball-less sadist?"

"Come on, try it!" Okita and Kagura now pushed each other, fought mercilessly and it really looked like they tried to kill themselves and anyone around them.

"You… Calm down…" Ciel tried to separate them by standing between them. But instead of making them stop fighting, he got punches on his face and thanks to God, Sebastian could pull him out.

"KATSURA! YOU BETTER GIVE UP NOW! IT'S OVER!" A man with v-bangs, along with his comrades surrounded Katsura and Gintoki.

"Damn it!"

"And you, you better follow us too." That loud man pointed his sword at Gintoki. "It's not the first time we saw you hanging out with Katsura!"

"Hanging out? It's like I'm being trapped. Zura, you always bring misfortunes to me.. What are you? You're worse than a demon! And I don't even make a contract with you!" Gintoki looked angrily at Katsura.

"Zura janai. Katsura da! I-"

"SHUT UP! JUST CATCH THEM AND BRING THEM TO OUR QUARTERS NOW!"

"Not so fast.."Katsura took out a ball-shaped bomb, threw it to the ground and ran away. Elizabeth managed to take Gintoki's hands at the last minute as they ran to the alley where Kagura, Ciel and Sebastian had been hiding.

"Gin-chan, Zura, what's wro- OUCH!" Kagura screamed in pain as Gintoki grabbed her neck, almost strangled her. Ciel and Sebastian could only follow them running in behind.

They kept running and running… Okita, Hijikata, the whole Shinsengumi, tanks, and helicopters were now chasing them. They only had one choice. Wanted it or not, without realizing it, Ciel and Sebastian kept following them, even though they didn't know what, why, how…

_As Ciel grew really tired and almost passed out, he suddenly woke up in his bed. Being sweaty as if he was joining a marathon, he caught a glimpse of Sebastian standing by his bed's side. His loyal butler was pouring the tea on a cup for him, just like the mornings before._

_"Good morning, Young Master.. Today it's—What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" Ciel shook his head and grabbed the tea cup without saying anything._

_Meanwhile, somewhere far from England, on a different manga, Kagura and Gintoki woke up after a long sleep. They could see Shinpachi was cleaning the desk and as they didn't have any job today, they got another sweet sleep without caring about their dream with Ciel and Sebastian nor Shinpachi who looked so tired._

**-THE END-**


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